Fit for a Hobbit

I decided I could teach Jamie Oliver a thing or two about nudity. The stir fried chicken, courgette and mushrooms have no seasoning whatsoever. And the flavour could have tempted a gourmet who had just devoured a horse, as dessert.

All this was laid on a bed of my never ending pile of iceberg lettuce (now I know why they compare the thing to a mountain) and tucked in under a blanket of paprika and radish. Since I wanted to give Jamie a break in a seriously unfair fight, I squirted on some curry. Yeah, baby!

But the sheer size of that plate! It's inhumane! I worked hard but it got the better of me. In my defence, I had been snacking during the afternoon. A bit of emotional eating actually. Carrots, nuts, grapes, cherries - I had been studying hard and hit a wall, so I resorted to one of my stress-relief tactics - munching. Still, I hadn't eaten that much. Man, was that plate a pile. I'll have the rest for breakfast. Or lunch. Thank goodness I actually forgot to add the double-slam -bang ingredient - mixed nuts... wow, that could have gotten ugly.

You know, it's funny. My mom, who is a wizard in the kitchen - an exceptionally creative cook - complained that with this new starch-free eating style of mine it would be almost impossible to whip up a decent meal. I think I need to show her this blog. People somehow associate healthy with difficult. I really don't know why. It's never been so easy for me to cook good food. I don't even have to plan it. I just buy fresh ingredients and throw them all together. What's the big deal? Try ordering a Big Mac without the tomato. That can be tricky. Getting yourself a half decent frozen pizza, now that's tough. And getting it to taste good is so close to impossible you could see the pores with your eyes shut. This, this is a piece of cake (without the cake).

My friends, especially the female ones, sometimes ask me why I don't have a girl friend. It's simple. I'm old fashioned - I want a woman who can outcook me!
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